Saturday, December 14, 2013

American turned Gambian

In September, I visited the homeland, the land of money and feno-feng (everything). AMERICA.  I had arrived to Gambia with the intention of not returning home until 2014, I thought it would be an unnecessary cultural and emotional challenge to become adapted to the Gambian lifestyle only to return home for a short time, to then come back and continue my service. Beside I am in another world, and there are worlds closer to me that I have yet to explore, so I thought I’d spend the cash on these closer lands. There have defiantly been moments in these almost 2 years now that if I had gone home, it is quite possible that I wouldn’t have returned to finish my service. Not because of the comfort of home but because of the challenges I run against here.  But I always rise to challenges, so perhaps I am underestimating myself and of course I would have come back. But life changes and I found myself welcoming an unexpected opportunity to return, see friends and family, and fill my belly.

My boyfriend, Justin was the best man in a wedding and he asked me to go with him. So as plus 1, we bought plane tickets and emailed lists of wished foods to have ready in refrigerators to the parents. We day dreamt of things we would see like sidewalks and sitting in cars that permit us our own personal space. We worried a bit about cultural shock and meeting one another’s friends and family. Then we packed the bags, bought lots of African gifts and flew to our other home. After a marathon of flying we landed in LA. For me, life was dizzy, whether you call it vertigo, or time change, life change, I don’t care. I was dizzy, the floor felt uneasy, but maybe I was just dehydrated and needed to drink an ORS.  I met family, ate fast food and passed out in the softest bed I can remember. The rest of the trip was something of a dream. I saw Justin in a suit for the first time; this man sure does look nice, very nice. I cried over how good cheddar cheese tasted, a full body sob and I embraced the cry.  I learned that margarita’s are even better than I remembered, thanks Nicole. I relearned that you can do more than one thing in a day, for example, I could go to the dentist office; go to men’s warehouse, make lunch, go shopping, and make dinner all in one day. The speed and ease of running errands, when you have a car, and everyone else acts according to the same speed is amazing. I danced like crazy and discovered that the humor I have here translated to the homeland.  That bagels and lox are a magical food and if I had them here my happiness level would be at least 60% higher, thanks Charlene. The wedding was beautiful and loving, and I didn’t feel as much in shock at the abundance of wealth as I thought. It was just a different world. And when I had hard moments, Justin and his family were there for me to lean on.

Ways I have changed:  Both Justin and I had lost the ability to find things; we thought various things had been stolen in our luggage. Nope we just didn’t know how to look for them. I attribute this to the lack of things I have here, it is either in my 1 tiny locker in Kombo or in my house. And I have 3 large shelves. If it isn’t there, it never was. The luggage was spread out upstairs and down, it just got lost too much.  Another surprise was that my senses were both heightened and dulled at the same time. My hearing is incredible. Justin and I are whisper champions; no one can hear anything we are saying. There was wind blowing in the tree leaves outside and I thought it was water boiling on the stove, because the sound of wind in tree leaves was foreign to me. My eyes have dulled, things are *&@*ing dirty in Africa, white walls are brown walls. When we were in stores, the extra bright lights shone off all the surfaces so it was like a reflection box, the white floors reflected to the super bright items on shelves which reflected back onto the ceiling, it was a bit blinding and made the world a bit dizzier.


At home, I met my family at the airport, I hid from them because I was a bit shy and overwhelmed. They were so excited to see me and kept saying how normal it felt to have me home. But for me it felt different and new. They have the same energy and family dynamics that they had before I left, and I had forgotten just how intense the energy can be sometimes. And sure I might look the same outside but inside has changed and those changes can’t be understood in a weeks’ time. The changes aren’t something that I can explain in a blog post, just that Africa changes you. So I took a deep breath and just jumped in … Mom cooked us more food than I could ever imagine. We went out for ice cream to a homemade ice cream stand, just laughed at everything. Going to target and grocery stores we bought food weighing 100 pounds to bring back to Africa with us. My sister is taller than I remembered, but just as silly. Dad didn’t enjoy watching a scary movie with us but the ending brought him back around. And we played board games.  It felt good to be home and with my family again but what I think has changed is the feeling that where ever my heart is happy I can make a home for my self..We traveled to 5 cities in 15 days and traversed the country, it was exhausting.

In the end Justin and I boarded the plane, I was licking soft serve vanilla ice cream out of a cup, (last chance to get food that isn’t available here) and apparently this is a weird thing to do because everyone was staring at me. Don’t judge, become in touch with your food. We were a bit crazy, trying to shoot off last minute text messages or call people and tell them that we love them. There simply wasn’t enough time. The wheels went up and I realized how lucky I am, I get to return to my home for another 8 months, and I am doing it all with my teammate, such a wonderful and kind man who I fall more in love with at every turn.


It is now 4 months later, and I’m glad I had the chance to return home. It was like a refuel. There are still challenges here and I still conquer them somehow. But I have a new outlook, that America isn’t the land of everything, there are different challenges and frustrations there and I have to work at having kaira (peace) wherever I am.  But with calm and a peace of mind I can conquer them. I still have moments where my heart is so heavy with sadness that my body feels like a brick. I feel odd somehow, that nothing here is new, there are no more surprises left, then something surprises me and I wish that there were no more surprises. With 5 months left, I am full throttle forward with the garden, which needs to have the well finished and then we start planting. I have murals to paint and a new project involving high school students selling purses to tourists. I have visitors coming and I can’t wait to share this world with them.